Jen's Journal

I just finished reading a book called ‘The Art of Possibility’ written by authors Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander who I heard speak at a conference a few years back.   I really enjoyed the ideas explored in the book and wanted to pull out and share a few impactful quotes that really resonated with me:

“It’s all invented anyway, so we might as well invent a story or a framework of meaning that enhances our quality of life and the life of those around us.” (p.12)

We can ask ourselves the following question “What assumption am I making, that I am not aware I’m making, that gives me what I see?”

We can follow-up with the question “What might I now invent, that I haven’t yet invented, that would give me other choices?”  (p.15)

“It feels safer to deal with reality as though it were fixed, as though people, ideas, and siutations can be fully known and measured.  We grow up in a world of measurement, and in this world, we get to know each other and things by measuring them, and by comparing and contrasting them.” (p. 18)

“In the realm of possibility, we gain our knowledge by invention.  We decide that the essence of a child is joy, and joy she is.” (p.20)

“On the whole, resources are likely to come to you in greater abundance when you are generous and inclusive and engage people in your passion for life.” (p.21)

“Yet it is only when we make mistakes in performances that we can really begin to notice what needs attention.” (p. 31)

“The only grace you can have is the grace you can imagine.” (p.52)

“I settled on a game called I am a contribution.  Unlike success and failure, contribution has no other side.  It is not arrived at by comparison.  All at once I found that the fearful question, “Is it enough?” and the even more fearful question, “Am I loved for who I am, or for what I have accomplished?” could both be replaced by the joyful question, “How will I be a contribution today?” (p.57)

“Naming your activities as a game breaks their hold on you and puts you in charge.  Just look carefully at the cover of the box, and if the rules do not light up your life, put it away, take out another one you like better, and play the new game wholeheartedly.  Remember, it’s all invented.” (p.59)

“Naming ourselves as a contribution produces a shift away from self-concern and engages us in a relationship with others that is an arena for making a difference.   Rewards in the contribution game are of a deep and enduring kind, though less predictable than the trio of money, fame and power that accrue to the winner in the success game.  You never know what they will be, or from whence they will come.” (p. 63)

“A conductor can be easily seduced by the public’s extraordinary attention to his unique offering and come to believe that he is personally superior…yet…a leader who feels he is superior is likely to suppress the voices of the very people on whom he must rely on to deliver his vision alive and kicking.” (p.67) The power of a conductor derives in the ability to make other people powerful. 

“A monumental question for leaders in any organization to consider is: How much greatness are we willing to grant people?” (p.73)

“Things change when you care enough to grab whatever you love, and give it everything.” (p.74)

“Humour and laughter are perhaps the best ways we can “get over ourselves.” Humour can bring us together around our inescapable foibles, confusions, and miscommunications, and especially over ways in which we find ourselves acting entitled and demanding, or putting other people down, or flying at each other’s throats.” (p.80)

“We portray the calculating self as a ladder with a downward spiral.  The ladder refers to the worldview that life is about making progress, striving for success, and positioning oneself in the hierarchy.  The downward spiral represents, among other things, the slippage that occurs when we try to control people and circumstances to give ourselves a boost.  When this leads to conflict, we are likely to think that we have run up against difficult people and have learned an important lesson.  We become heard-headed and practical.  Inevitably our relationships spiral downward.  As the calculating self tumbles out of control, it intensifies its effort to climb back up and get in charge, and the cycle goes round and round.” (p.83)

“One game I frequently assign comes in the form of “Have the Best ____ Ever.”  This is to encourage people to create an experience that is extraordinary satisfying regardless of the circumstances around them.” (p.84)

“Whenever somebody gives up their pride to reveal a truth to others,” I told him, “we find it incredibly moving; in fact, we are all so moved that even the cameraman is crying.” (p.89)

“Being present to the way things are is not the same as accepting things as they are in the resigned way of the cow.  It doesn’t mean you should drown out your negative feelings or pretend you like what you really can’t stand.  It doesn’t mean you should work to achieve some “higher plane of existence” so you can “transcend negativity.” It simply means being present without resistance: being present to what is happening and present to your reactions, no matter how intense.” (p.100)

“Presence without resistance: you are now free to turn to the question, “What do we want to do from here?” Then all sorts of pathways begin to appear…You can leave behind the struggle to come to terms with what is in front of you, and move on.” (p.101)

“Mistakes can be like ice.  If we resist them, we may keep on slipping into a posture of defeat.  If we include mistakes in our definition of performance, we are likely to glide through them and appreciate the beauty of the longer run.” (p.102)

“This attitude is difficulty to maintain in our competitive culture where so much attention is given to mistakes and criticism that the voice of the soul is literally interrupted.  The risk the music invites us to take becomes a joyous adventure only when we stretch beyond our known capacities, while gladly affirming that we may fail.  And if we make a mistake, we can mentally raise our arms and say, “How fascinating!” and reroute our attention to the higher purpose at hand.”

“Closing the exits means staying with the feelings, whatever they are.  It means letting them run their course, as a storm sweeps overhead showering rain and thunder, only to be followed by clear patches of blue.” (p.104)

“The more attention you shine on a particular subject, the more evidence of it will grow.  Attention is like light and air and water.  Shine attention on obstacles and problems and they multiply lavishly.” (p.108)

“Radiating possibility begins with things as they are and highlights open spaces, the pathways leading out from here.” (p.109)

“Speaking in possibility springs from the appreciation that what we say creates a reality; how we define things sets a framework for life to unfold.” (p.110)

“Being with the way things are calls for an expansion of ourselves.  We start from what is, not from what should be; we encompass contradictions, painful feelings, fears and imaginings, and – without fleeing, blaming, or attempting correction – we learn to soar, like the far-seeing hawk, over the whole landscape.  The practice of being with the way things are allows us to alight in a place of openness, where “the truth” readies us for the next step, and the sky opens up.” (p.111)

(p.114) giving way to passion, has two steps:

1. The first step is to notice where you are holding back and let go.  Release those barriers of self that keep you separate and in control, and let the vital energy of passion surge through you, connecting you to all beyond.
2. The second step is to participate wholly.  Allow yourself to be a channel to shape the stream of passion into a new expression for the world.

“because the straight-edged organization of our cities and towns – as well as many aspects of our daily lives – tends to mirror our perceptual maps, urban life may magnify the boundaries that keep us in a state of separateness.  Places in the wild draw many of us to experience a vitality greater than our own, but it may take an act of surrender to let the gates give way between ourselves and nature…I found that it was the momentum of nature that showed up on the canvas; not the object, the lines or the colour, but dynamic forces, geometric vibrancy, the passion of colour.” (p.114)

“Enrollment is the art and practice of generating a spark of possibility for others to share.” (p.125)

“A ‘no’ can so often dampen our fire in the world of the downward spiral.  It can seem like a permanent, implacable barrier that presents us with limited choices: to attack, to manipulate our way around it, or to bow to it in defeat.  In other words, a ‘no’ can seem like a door slamming instead of merely an instance of the way things are.  Yet, were we to take a ‘no’ less personally, and ourselves less seriously, we might hear something else.  We might hear someone saying, ‘I don’t see any new possibility here, so I think I’ll stick with my usual way of doing things.’ We might hear within the word ‘no’ an invitation for enrolment.” (p.126)

“The life force for humankind is, perhaps, nothing more or less than the passionate energy to connect, express, and communicate.  Enrollment is that life force at work, lighting sparks from person to person, scattering light in all directions.  Sometimes the sparks ignite a blaze; sometimes they pass quietly, magically, almost imperceptibly, from another to another.” (p.139)

“A vision is an open invitation and an inspiration for people to create ideas and events that correlate with its definitional framework.” (p.171)

“As we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Marianne Williamson (p.179)

The following final two paragraphs that I am pulling are from page 183 from the last chapter of the book about Telling the We Story:

“The WE story defines a human being in a specific way: It says we are our central selves seeking to contribute, naturally engaged, forever in a dance with each other.  It points to relationship rather than to individuals, to communication patterns, gestures, and movement rather than to discrete objects and identities.  It attests to the in-between.  Like the particle-and-wave nature of light, the WE is both a living entity and a long line of development unfolding.  This new being, the WE of us, comes into view as we look for it – the vital entity of our company, or community, or group of two.  The protagonist of our story, the entity called WE, steps forward and takes on a life of its own.

By telling the WE story, an individual becomes a conduit for this new inclusive entity, wearing its eyes and ears, feeling its heart, thinking its thoughts, inquiring into what is best for US.  This practice points the way to a kind of leadership based not on qualifications earned in the field of battle, but on the courage to speak on behalf of all people and for the long line of human possibility.  The steps to the WE practice are these:

1. Tell the WE story – the story of the unseen threads that connect us all, the story of possibility
2. Listen and look for the emerging entity.
3. Ask: “What do WE want to have happen here?”  “What’s best for US?” – all of each of us, and all of all of us.  “What’s OUR next step?”